Un Amor De Verdad

Sometimes doing what you think is the right thing to do can be quite hard. I could have spent this weekend in Big Bear with a man that wants nothing more than to spend time with me. A man that I know cares about me. I didn't go, for many reasons. Mainly, of course, is that he is married. He made his bed...and as unhappy as that marital bed may be there is no room there for me. He tells me I come back into his life only to cause him pain. It saddens me, to cause someone pain. It is not my intention to hurt anyone. It's hard to be on this side of the fence, I am so accustomed to being the one that gets hurt. He pines for me, and I, thru the years that have passed have grown accustomed to pining for him, it has now become a part of who I am. There is someone else now, that has taken that place in my heart. Someone that may or may not want me in his life. Yet, I can not stop the heart from doing what it wants. I can only hope that it leads me in the right direction.

I had a good weekend. I attended the 45th wedding anniversary party of my parents best friends. I can see why they have been friends for so long. Both my father and his friend, men of the past, men of old traditions, men who believe in love, men who know the sweet and passionate words to whisper to the women they love. It was a beautiful celebration. Love and passion were in the air. I longed for it. I danced with my father, something I had not done in so long. He made me feel beautiful.
It would be silly of me to ever question why I have a romantic soul. How can I not, when I see my father and mother, the way they look at each other, the way they both have been in love with each other for almost 40 years. My Argentinean mother, latin and fiery, sweet and tender...My French father, passionate, so very passionate about the woman he loves.

How can I ever settle for anything less than what they have found in each other.

I can't.