...and so I return....quietly slipping back into life. A life different than what it was just a couple of months ago. I am quoting a friend in saying that I feel like with the karma I have had I must have bombed an orphanage in my past life.
I am better now, though.
I am fine.
My Father passed away and with him he took the naive girl who believed in so much, foolish girl she was. Who believed that friends stand beside you in times of sorrow....that love professed is worth believing in.
The wave of grief that hit when my Father died was followed by an intense bitterness towards friends, and especially towards Love. I was let down in every way possible. At the best my grief was met with indifference, at the worst I was shown anger, spitefulness, the most hurtful of actions and words thrown at me when I was at my lowest, when I was at my weakest.
Love, turned her back on me. Love played a dirty trick, a vengeful spiteful trick that left a wound that has changed me, changed what I believe in. I could have never imagined that during a time in my life when I desperately needed to be comforted I would see the darkest side of human nature. I will not give details, those that did the most harm to me know who they are, and they have to look inward and see themselves as I now see them.
This whole ordeal has shown me that even though I was brought down to my knees, I am capable of pulling myself up on my own, and become strong again. I feel as though for the first time in all my life my eyes are open and I see people for who they really are and what they are truly capable of. I have learned that love is a fickle bitch that can take you to heaven and in the blink of an eye deliver you to the gates of hell.
What happened to that girl who looked at life thru candy coated eyes and believed in fairy tales?
She is gone.
Do not grieve for her.
Do not feel sorry for her.
She is more alive now than she has ever been.
