Lover Alone Without Love

Well painted passion
You rightly suspect
Impersonation
The dumbing down of love
Jaded in anger
Love underwhelms you
No box of chocolates
Whichever way you fall

Sitting in a crowded restaurant, suddenly becoming aware of my solitude. Stunned. Is everyone watching me? Does everyone see thru me? Does anyone see me? No. No one sees me anymore. Drive, where do I go? The light goes to red, then green and I continue, searching for something, for someone to show me who to be. Driving, wishing the world was flat so I could drive right off.

And if I tell you
Lover alone without love
What will happen
Lover alone without love
Will you listen?
Lover alone without, without love

I had a dream, I made a wish, and for a second in time, I thought that it had all come true. I forgot...that you always wake up from dreams...that they don't go on forever. Dreams form into a true reality, dreams fade from what they were into what they are. Dreams don't come true.

No, no I'll get this
I want to treat you
You're still not famous
And you haven't struck it rich
Underachieving
'Cause no one's receiving
This tunnel vision
It's turning out all wrong

I know what you think.

I know.
But you're wrong.
I am still someone's princess. I am still someone's vision of wife, lover, mother. Tarnished now. I am someone's vision of cunt, of bitch. The mirror is held up in front of me and I see someone I don't recognize. I hold the mirror back and I show them the reflection. Tarnished, too. Can't I just start over? Can't I just press the rewind button all the way to the beginning. What a different form I would take! A different road I would take, knowing what I know now.

And if I tell you
Lover alone without love
What will happen
Lover alone without love
Will you listen?
Love alone without, without love

Too many tears. I could fill an ocean. So much anger. It fills my whole heart. Take me away from this. Take me back to the beginning.

There's Beauty In The Breakdown

Today I want to go home. Only I don't know where home is anymore.

Today I am sad and hate myself for that weakness.
Sadness is a lonely place to be.

Today my heart is heavy and I'm tired.

Today I miss something that I've never touched but yet feels like a piece of who I am.

Today I look at the sky and watch the planes fly by and wish I was flying away. Far away from this life I live, from these people who walk all over me, from the ones who throw me out like trash over and over again. Today I want to fly away from who I am.

Today I want to go home. Only I don't know where home is anymore.