The house is quiet today. Still. The windows are open, the curtains blowing in the breeze, music softly playing as I walk the halls and touch the frames of the pictures on the walls. I am longing for something that isn't here. I stand against the cold wall and close my eyes and I hear laughter, I smell the intoxicating scent of a man's skin, I hear my name being whispered and even feel the softness of lips against my naked shoulder. Is this Déjà vu? A flash of forgotten memories? No. What is making me sigh, what is making my heart feel longing are not memories. It's Nostalgia for what's yet to be.
In itself, Nostalgia isn't bad, is it? It means good things have happened to you and you miss them. I suppose that’s why moments like these, although momentarily sad, make me smile....because it means something worth missing has happened to me. Can you feel nostalgic over something that hasn’t happened yet? I imagine how things will be...with love...with life in general. I know they will be so beautiful. So very beautiful. When I realize that this nostalgia I feel is for things that haven't happened yet, or because of things that may never happen I get really sad, really sad. Strange thing to miss something that hasn't happened, or someone you've never touched, or a place you've never been. But that is exactly what I feel right now. I long for what I've never had. This sadness is like a down payment of sadness. You advance it because you know eventually you'll use it up anyways. I'm nostalgic for things that I want, for things that may be within my reach at this very moment, and for things I've yet to experience.
I've had a lot on my mind the last several days. I don’t know why I’ve been so undecided about certain things. Why I keep putting off what I think may be something good. It feels as if I've pressed the hold button on my life and I'm just waiting for the right time to push play and begin again. I don't really know exactly what is holding me from taking that step. Truly, what better time to begin something new than now I know. A new year has begun, a new decade, a new chapter to write.
It's time to press play.
2 Love Letters:
Belief, Hope and Faith
Don't be scared to press play for if you don't move on, you will end up thinking about what could've been for the rest of your life.
There are times when you just have to take the plunge.
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